Never!

The idiocy of men in shorts...

"This week, chart success relies on the popularity of soap stars, the theft of popular children's TV theme tunes, and the idiocy of men in shorts."

And if this isn't the death of Rock'N'Roll, then its definitely a case for last minute resuscitation.

1. On 5th May 92, drummer Wig and guitarist Sean, were arrested on suspicion of causing Criminal Damage (to a car) whilst chatting outside The Crown in Stony Stratford. Driven at 85mph to CMK police station, the two innocents were subjected to intense police interviews during which Sean was told repeatedly by the Desk Sergeant that he was lying. Eventually both were released without charge, begging the question, who are the real victims in such cases?

2. Ablemesh are a playful bunch at heart so when Steve Edney (A&R Director for London Records) rang up asking for a free demo tape, the band responded by digging out an old rejection letter from London, re-wording it and returning it to sender. Steve, however, wasn't to be disappointed, since he was one of the Music Industry's lucky recipients of the Ablemesh "Sapphire Charmer's Rod" free gift. Thinly disguised as evangelical direct marketing, few could have denied its effectiveness as they opened their winner's envelope to discover that they'd actually been sent a rather handy cotton bud. The band are now hopeful that Industry ears will be immeasurably more receptive to acts worth developing.

3. A recent gig at Dunstable's Wheatsheaf brought it home to the band just how deplorable is the state of the National Gig Circuit. Shifting the pool table to make way for the drum kit, they found themselves in the middle of a drunken pub brawl with fists flying in all directions. Though the fight made its way into the garden, the band played to a receptive audience - particularly the pissed heckler who kept trying to grab the vocal mike and do Johnny Be Good.

4. Latest reports suggest that the band's Shareware CD's (a new chain letter -copy it and pass it on- solution to national distribution) are having a fairly explosive impact on music loving communities as far a field as Swansea, Birmingham and Chester whilst London....zzzzzzz, appears to have been cheated of the opportunity by a rather unfortunate bout of penis envy at NME HQ. Meanwhile, the feedback from the people that matter seems rather positive..

"I heard something about Shareware and a CD chain letter - it sounded like an inspired idea for church mice who love music. I'm sick and tired of all the industry/major label marketing bollox, and I'm sick of the pathetic tiny range of bands and records on offer at my local indie record shops. Please tell me more about your idea..." Becky (Tunbridge Wells)

"One of the best things to happen to the world since the Versailles Peace Conference." Kirsty Reade (Staffs)

A permanent copy of the Shareware CD resides at MK County Library. Shareware 2 is due out this Autumn.

Ends | 13 July 1992 | Republished Aug 2017