Long Play cassette


Exceedingly lucrative openings for aspiring 'creative accountants'

"The Major Record companies surely present exceedingly lucrative openings for aspiring 'creative accountants'. How else justify signing an idiot and spending improbable amounts of corporate money in an attempt to foist this idiot upon an unwilling public..unless of course, by collusion one stands to make a handsome personal gain."

1. It's mid November '92 - the band receives an excited call from Richard Brown, A&R Director at EastWest Records (part of Warner Bros). He wants us to send him a demo tape immediately. He says if we invoice him, he'll see that we get paid for our trouble. We duly dispatch a copy of Fecund with a neatly typed invoice for £4-30. No response from Richard, predictably he cancels our proposed meet by 'going down with the flu'. A week later I get a call from a young lady in the Warner accounts department asking about the Ablemesh invoice... "We can't quite make it out. Is it for £430 or £4300? ".

Well, truth to tell, we were a bit shocked by this open invitation to extort money from Warners, but sniffing an opportunity to pull someone's leg, we couldn't resist playing along with the idea that Warners could mistakenly be about to mail the band a cheque for £4300 and sent the following memo to the affable Mr Brown......

"Suffice to say, we found the determined generosity of your colleagues very persuasive and trust it will be equally straighforward claiming for the curry we ate in your absence last Monday evening".

2. Word has it that Ablemesh have found a handy new method for promoting their Fecund extended nine track CD, EP, LP, MC, DCC, MiniDisc, MicroDot, MacroSpeck. This involves selective Product Placement of the band's cassettes in non-participating stores in their home town Milton Keynes... ie. going into Woolies and Co and placing dummy Ablemesh Product in its rightful place (with an insert telling the reader where they can get mail order copies). To our knowledge, this is not illegal and each valuable placement costs less than the price of a stamp.

3. Past months have been curiously eventful for Ablemesh. We were delighted to find a review of Fecund commanding 3 column inches in February's Sky Magazine. The verdict 'Painfully dry and sharp. Grunge urgently required' was particularly satisfying. We have now decided to write songs entirely without the aid of distortion pedals and pin-ups of lank haired American Vikings. Hence the new material being penned for Summer release (4-track demos available on request) will pertain more to the character of Fish and Chips than Big Macs.

4. In December the band was helped by a cast of some twenty drama students to put together a promo video of 'Made', a song intended to engage thought about some of the issues involved in anorexia . The final edit contains over 90 cuts in 2-20mins, a bit of an achievement. Copies have been sent to Dance Energy, Access All Areas and MTV but the first public viewing is likely to be at the Milton Keynes 'Brit' Awards in March where the band are nominees in several categories.

CD copies of two previous releases, Shareware and Fecund, reside at MK County Library. Next release due this Summer.

Ends | 17 Feb 1993 | Republished Aug 2017

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